the 1/4wit Opens First-Ever Clearing House of Information on Lesbian Relatives of Conservative Office Holders & Prominent Public Figures

UPDATED! ...lesbians added daily....

Name: Mary Cheney
Relationship to Conservative Public Figure: Daughter of Vice President, Dick Cheney
Gay Factoid: worked as a "gay community liaison" for Coors Brewing Company
Look: Jock Dyke
Attractiveness: Hit or Miss
Position on the issues: Unclear...

(Source)

Name: Candace Gingrich
Relationship to Conservative Public Figure: half sister of former U.S. House speaker and Newt Gingrich
Gay Factoid: youth outreach coordinator of the Human Rights Campaign
Look: Butch
Attractiveness: Yikes!
Position on the issues: Stumps for Kerry

(Source)

Name: Maya Keyes
Relationship to Conservative Public Figure: Daughter of Illinois Republican U.S. Senate candidate Alan Keyes
Gay Factoid: Dad called all gays "selfish hedonists." Has a blog. Was outed by the blogging community and by pictures she posted of herself wearing an anti-Bush pin, making out with a girl. I'm sayin'.
Look: Brown University dyke (see picture above)
Attractiveness: so-so
Position on the issues: "...vocally pro-life (she equates abortion to lynching on her homepage) -- but she otherwise appears to be very liberal and seemingly supports Nader for President..."

(Source)

NEW!

Name: Dee Mosbacher
Relationship to Conservative Public Figure: daughter of Houston oilman Robert Mosbacher, who was chairman of George Bush's 1992 re-election campaign.
Gay Factoid: directed an Oscar-nominated short documentary, Straight From the Heart, that helps parents cope with having a gay child (duh)
Look: Artsy dyke
Attractiveness: Ummmm...
Position on the issues: Has made documentaries about gay kids and the history of women's music from folk singers to riot grrls (Radical Harmonies). I mean....

(Source)

NEW!

Name: Chastity Bono
Relationship to Conservative Public Figure: daughter of republican Senator Sonny Bono, the co-sponsor of the Defense of Marriage Act, which banned federal recognition of gay marriages.
Gay Factoid: She is Cher's (Literally in the dictionary next to the term "gay icon") daughter. Also, her name is Chastity.
Look: Uber Dyke
Attractiveness: Subjective
Position on the issues: She's here, she's queer, get used to it. She was at one point GLAAD's entertainment-media director and spoke out about Ellen's sitcom being cancelled because it was perceived as being "too gay." She was also the spokeswoman for the Human Rights Campaign's National Coming Out Project.

(Source and Source)

further bulletins as events warrant....

What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris feat. Shawna

Taking a cue from David, I will now list the 10 songs I would use to romance Scarlett Johansson.

10. Shadows - Yo La Tengo
9. Beautiful - Masta Ace
8. Stolen Goods - Pearly Sweets and the Platonics
7. Sleepwalking - Modest Mouse
6. U Got it Bad - Usher
5. Love Language - Talib Kweli and Hi Tek
4. Peaches and Cream - 112
3. No One Knows Her Name - Hi-Tek featuring Big D and Piakhan
2. Cactus - the Pixies
1. Dilemma - Nelly

Dear Friends, Save Your $$. Love, the quarterwit

6:54pm (1 minute ago)

From: the quarterwit
To: Leif, Sarah
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 18:54:44 -0400
Subject: kweli

hi guys

you both wanted to know the shandy with the concert, so here it is.

basically, kweli came out on stage looking like he had just awoken
from a long, long nap. homeboy was practically wiping the sleep out of
his eyes, opening up with some wack joint from his new album.
actually, the irony was palpable-- he is sleeping on his own talent
these days.... haha. anyway, he was wearing (yeah, this is important)
a white button down shirt, some jeans and a white cap which was
bizaarely too big for his head. looking kinda funny. after the first
song was the obligatory where are my new haven heads is new haven in
the house who loves hip hop in here call and response routine.

watching the mostly white audience try to bounce in the same rhythm
(let alone the rhythm of the song that was playing) was some funny,
funny shit. anyway, here is an interlude.

Male African American concert-goer: Hey. Ah. You guys like hip hop?
Me: (looking at Heather and back at him) Um, yeah.
Male African American concert-goer: you like Kweli?
Me: (my face saying 'we're here, aren't we??') yeah, kweli. not his
new stuff as much, but black star and hi tek stuff for sure.
Male African American concert-goer: (impressed) wow! i mean, im not trying to stereotype, but you guys dont look like you'd like hip hop.
Me: (thinking "you mean we look white?") well, yeah.
Male African American concert-goer: that's cool, i mean i've been breaking and everything since way back.
Me: oh, cool.
Male African American concert-goer: yeah, so how old are you guys?
Heather: 21
Me: 25
Male African American concert-goer: (incredulously): really??
Me and Heather: (nodding...)
-- chit chat takes place here. conversation ends. we turn back around
to face the stage
5 minutes later...
Male African American concert-goer: excuse me, could i ask you a question? are y'all gay?
Heather: yeah.
Male African American concert-goer: Daaaaaaaaaamn! my brother was right. he said you were gay, i said no. oh well, i lost. (laughing) alright, well you all enjoy the show.
Me and Heather: (sheepish...) thanks...

anyway back to the show.

kweli opens with a wack song from his new album. the rest was a blur
of mediocrity.

he's like: "who likes black star? where my black star heads??"

at this point i'm like, "well, right here, but why, is mos def about
to drop from the ceiling?"

"where my reflection eternal heads?"

(crowd roars)

Me: (thinking) is this when hi tek jumps out from behind the
turntables?? if not, don't ask me about reflection eternal.

speaking of djs, kweli was ably backed by DJ Chaps. i'm saying--
chaps? as in buttless chaps that cowboys and gay men wear? whatevs.

one verse from re:definition with the crowd singing the chorus was mighty nice.

shock body was maybe the second or third song he played and it was
ehhhh. you know, going through the motions, nothing to write home
about. this was followed by a few more reflection eternal songs, not
too exciting, but i guess nice to hear live (??). what is weird abut
kweli's voice is that it's quite nasal but live he kind of pee wee
hermans it-- he goes from high/nasal to deeper/gruff in the same line.
it doesn't. sound. good.

what he did next was nice-- called the "bboys and bgirls" up to the
stage to break and pop while he rapped. none of the kids could to
anything even resembling what you might associate with "b-boy" but i
guess the grassroots sentiment was there.

another highlight was kweli's little homemade rap about his new album
where he mentions
1. when the album is dropping
2. the producers on it (kanye, pharrelll...ewww....)
3. that someone leaked his album on the internet (kweli we are trying
to forget you embarrassing yourself on okayplayer boards talkin about
bout to smack someone up for leaking your shit. you're not smacking
nobody).
4. cheshire academy where he went. the crowd goes predictably wild.
kweli's gangsta stock, already rock bottom, drops precipitously lower.
but the white kids in the audience b line for the rock shop where they
can get a talib shirt and wear to school and be like "yeah, he went
here."

a non highlight was kweli asking the audience where the "pimps" were
at. (um...at the jay-z concert maybe??)

the crowd was pretty wack. mostly fratty looking guys who were just
getting their "get by" on and embarrassing themselves trying to
bounce.

anyway, move something, shock body, redefinition, africa dream, a few
others. nothing noteworthy particularly.

oh well.i guess the trick is to see him with mos def and hi tek. or, i
dont know. he's just not hungry, i guess. or something. so low
energy...

that is it.

love,
sally

The Beautiful Disappointment

As Sean and Milo have already noted (likewise Hashim, who offers more general observations about Kweli), The Beautiful Struggle is atrocious. The lyrics are not just boring, many are embarassingly bad. The beats are nothing special and some of the hooks are more grating than an Eminem hit.

Half the album is Talib doing Talib in the most boring, been-there-done-that-better-on-other-albums way ("BK MC! BK MC!" "America is out to slaughter us!" etc. and so on). The other half of the album is Kweli doing top 40 rapper. Dude, leave having "the flow to work your abdominals" to Nelly. "Get your ass up on the dance floor?" Come ON. Do "Love Language" and "Brown Skin Lady," do it nice and sweet. Get your respectful on. I mean, yeah, the people who dipped in to pick up the new Lloyd Banks might not grab your album on the way out, but...

In "Back Up Offa Me" Kweli sounds like G-Unit's towel boy. I don't believe Kweli is scary or tough. No matter what threats come nasally squeaking out, he's never going to be gangsta. Why cultivate the bookish, conscious persona if you're just going to get all NWA on us?

For me, a Kweli fan, what is most offensive about this album isn't necessarily how bad it is musically (inconsistency is forgivable), but more so his shift in image. I'm not sure if it can be attributed to how popular the G-Unit/pimp cup/smack you just for living/bling era has become lately, or if it's just Kweli feeling a little like the younger brother chess team member of the older, handsome, charasmatic varsity football player (Mos Def), and needing to compensate. Either way it doesnt't work, sounds silly, and is irritating. It also assumes no intelligence on the part of his fans. Dude, we've been paying attention this whole time. You can't slip a new alter ego past us...

The Beautiful Rubbish

Look Its Milo: your boy kweli's new album is straight up trash can music.

Via Milo I got my hands on The Beautiful Struggle. My initial reaction to the cursory listen: I am very underwhelmed. Very. Underwhelmed.

I reserve the right to extrapolate on the above once I have listened to this album again, in its entirety. But for now...

UPDATE

My boy said he was going to post about this, too. So, check with him. He knows his shit better than I do, anydamnway. kills it.

Iller than Flu Season

Your girl ain't noddin' her head because the beat's on, yanawmean??
When a 16 17 year old has the balls to rap about chicks, his game and his dick, and sound credible, I will pay attention. So is the case with Milo's project, Illicit Vibe. The kid, who is probably tired of people talking about how young is, has a lazy drawling flow that sounds mighty nice over some impressively creative beats. Listening to his swaggering cocksureness, I see him leaning back in a chair, a hat pulled low over his eyes, the words slipping out of a half-opened, smirking mouth. Rarely, for me anyway, can an emcee get away with being as assuredly and relentlessly chauvanistic and have it not only work, but be fun. Let me not focus on Milo's sexual politics-- he is also articulate, with a vocab that belies his age and cocky flow. Those big words get fit in there. His DJ brings it as well--- the beats are niiiiiiice, particularly on a mostly-instrumental track, "Dedicated," that places twangy plucks of a...banjo? ukelele?...over a head-nodding drum beat, with some weird German-sounding guy with a high pitched voice talking creepily in the background. On "Tango," Milo does just that with his DJ--- his drawl gets fast, frenetic even, and slips and slides over what sounds like a soundtrack to your favorite episode of Tom and Jerry. In a good way.

Kid is like not old enough to vote, but I have a feeling that Milo will only get better with age.

If you want to get a hold of these tracks, contact him directly.

Rating: Hot enough for Jay Z to say "Give me the mic back!"

Mother Yale

Town-gown relations in New Haven are never golden. But the end of summertime marks the spike in towny resentment. Yalies flock to campus once us taxpayers have gotten accustomed to parking spaces galore, oceans of empty chairs at coffee shops, and midnight streets blissfully free of drunken 18 year old wanderers. Not to mention overhearing Yalespeak in every record store, book shop and cafe in town: "My best friend went to Wellsley and she was like, 'Dude, you are going to get shot in New Haven!' So, I was like, 'Dude, chill! I'm not going into any of the bad parts!'

The worst part of the annual in-migration? The gaggles of kids crossing downtown thoroughfares at will-- against traffic, against lights, against logic. The perennial towny joke-- "'Huck Farvard' shirt! Ten points!" and "Frat boys on their way to a rush event-- 20 points each!" They never cross the street one or two at a time, they travel in packs. Therefore, they don't cause a car or two to slow down or switch lanes, but rather entire blocks to be backed up as the traffic lights as far as the eye can see go from green....to yellow.....to red.

Our hometown independent weekly, the New Haven Advocate which tends toward pretentiously metropolitan and self-congratulatory occasionally stumbles on something truly right and funny. Here it is this time, brought to you by one of my favorite columnists, Miss Scuttlebutt, whose column is a hodge podge of opinion, factoids, and anecdotes that embarass the city.

Yalies on the Windshield

As the swallows annually return to Capistrano, the Yalies have returned to New Haven. The swallows, however, are better behaved.

Witness the young jaywalker vying to become your new hood ornament. See the U-Haul blocking your driveway (or, heaven forfend, a bike lane). Hear the thumping bass and heavy footsteps emanating from the apartment above (WEAR SLIPPERS, MISSY!).

Yes, it's September in the Elm city. Temperatures drop and blood pressures rise. But we, the taxpayers of New Haven should know by now the world revolves around the Yalie. And we are here for their amusement.

Miss B sez: This year, if a Yalie chooses to walk in front of your car, ram 'em. Consider it thinning the herd.

source

Note: Some of my best friends are Yalies. Sorry, guys.

Wave of the Past

This afternoon I had occasion to use a Power Mac G3, the official computer of 1998 (which sounds a lot more recent than it acutally is, technologically speaking). Among a variety of rustic features and Pong-esque programs (I kind of expected it to say "Greetings, Professor Falken" upon powering up), this baby had Rapmaster Deluxe.

In lieu of doing actual work, I toyed with Rapmaster for hours. First you set the kind of music you want ("heavy rap*," "house," "latin," etc.). Then you can power up the "Bassman" option (I'm still not clear what that is). Now, you are ready to "scratch" and add "effects." The final product is reminiscent of hitting "demo" on a circa 1987 Casio keyboard. Everything sounds simple, un-meshable, tinny and prefab. That said, I identified very high kitsch value there. If hip hop fans could get as nerdy-ironic as indie rock kids, producers would start remixing with this program.

The Rapmaster Black Album? Quite possibly...

*I don't know what that is.

Apocalypse Has Come. Thank God.

Oprah Winfrey Gives Cars to Entire Studio Audience...

One woman stepped up onto the frame of a driver's side door, put her head on the roof and hugged the vehicle.

(image ganked from Bad Taste Testers)

And it Would've Worked, Too....If It Weren't for You Meddling Sodomites

One doesn't have to look too far to see why the homosexual community was so quick in adopting "Scooby Doo." The cartoon is chock full of decadence. It really doesn't take a theologian to see that each character in the cartoon series represents a perverse member of society....It's always been a carefully packaged television program that introduces innocent young children to the occult. We could go on about countless Christian horror stories where grown adults fall prostate on the altar of Jesus and plead His precious blood over addictions to homosexuality, witchcraft, beastiality, drugs, prostitution, cartoon pornography, and liberalism that can all be traced back to being seduced by the Scooby Doo cartoon series as a child, but entire books could be written on the subject.

from Landover Baptist Church. Dropping Christian knowledge since a few minutes ago.

(link from Jay Smooth)

W.W.J.V.F.?

Keyes Says Christ Would Not Vote For Obama

2. I'm Sorry? It Sounded Like You Said that Someone from Japan Has Been Drafted to Play in the NBA...No, really.

3. Doesn't he have handlers for this kind of thing?
Fucking moron.

4. Was Jesus black?
Let me know what you find offensive once you click on this link.

5. Totally not fucking true. And pass me that phone book. I can't reach the pedals.

6. Oh, sweet irony. Incidentally, this reminds me of when a kid in my high school brought in a gun and quite literally shot himself in the foot. Good times.

7. And, finally, this just in.

Drudge Report Headlines: 9/6/04, 10:11 p.m. EST

NYU student jumps to her death; 6th this year...

Princeton Student dead in dorm room...

Woman found dead at Colorado State sorority...

19-year-old Montreal student dead in dorm...

WTF?

The West Memphis Three

Margaret Cho writes about visiting Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jessie Misskelley, better known as the West Memphis 3, in prison. Heartbreaking.


See also the new book about/for the WM3, to which Cho contributed, The Last Pentacle of the Sun: Writings in Support of the West Memphis Three.