You Don't Really Care for Music, Do Ya?

There will be no aforementioned trip to Hartford to see Motley Crue tonight. We're supposed to get a freaking blizzard tonight. Not drivin' an hour north weather.

This sucks.

Covers

You all are in luck because events of earlier today inspired me to dig up some pretty choice covers of popular songs. In some cases the songs are as good or better as the original, in their own way. Sometimes they are no where near as good, and sometimes they are way to different to even begin a comparison. The original artist is in parentheses. Enjoy.

p.s. I hope the songs download properly. Some people can download from here, some cannot. Good luck.

911 is a Joke - Duran Duran (Public Enemy)

Alison - Everything But the Girl (Elvis Costello)

Gouge Away - The Promise Ring (Pixies)

Hurt - Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails)

I Believe I Can Fly - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (R. Kelly)

Take On Me - caP'n Jazz (A-Ha)

Nazi Punks Fuck Off - Napalm Death (Dead Kennedys)

Newsflash

Minorities more likely to be searched at stops

ACLU says the numbers confirm state law agencies use racial profiling

AUSTIN - A study of more than 1,000 Texas law enforcement agencies released Thursday shows that two out of three agencies searched blacks or Latinos at higher rates than Anglos at traffic stops in 2003.
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Blacks were 3.2 times more likely than Anglos to be searched by the Houston Police Department, the report said, down slightly from 2002. Those rates are higher than those reported in Dallas, Fort Worth, San Antonio and El Paso.

(story)

The Human Wolves Don't Even See Me

I live in a high-rise
that looks out at a bunch of other high-rises.
At my job I work in a cubicle and barely speak
to anyone all day. This is my reward for being
a good dog. The human wolves don't even see me.
They fear me not.

Excerpt from "The Promotion" by James Tate

Infinitely Cooler Than the Flux Capacitor

Rocket Fuel has been Found in US Breast Milk

This could be potentially bad, but it brings to mind such cool things-- robot babies, children forgoing juice and cookies for a sippy cup of fuel, a race of human beings with built-in rocket ships...

Tom Cruise: Cuckoo

The Britain Times online reports:

Tom Cruise has set up a Scientology tent on the set of his latest film, War of the Worlds, New York magazine reports. Boasting a minister, free literature and massage services, it is “a gift from Tom to the crew”, a spokeswoman says. Roman Catholic and Jewish crew members are already complaining.

Malcolm X

May 19, 1925 – February 21, 1965


(photo from malcolm-x.org)

The L Word

Stick-like, photoshopped ladies unite!

I promised myself that each Sunday night or Monday morning I would type up a synopsis and review of the L Word. However, after last night's lackluster season primiere, I almost threw in the towel. The episode apparently served to remind everyone of what was happening at the end of last season and was very dull. I guess this is how it works in TV-land, but I was disappointed. The only thing the episode had going for it is haircuts that are slightly more ridiculous and wardrobe choices more absurd. Shane's hair and Alice's shirts are too much to describe here. It's not worth it. So, instead of a review, I am going to repost my L Word 101 post from about a year ago, to get myself into the spirit. I am hoping the season picks up-- there are a couple of new characters being added, so we'll see what happens. After all, even dykes need some fresh blood once in a while.

Showtime is known for it's fringe-y programming-- Queer as Folk (don't know what's more queer: that the show focuses on the lives of a group of gay men, or that it's set in Pittsburgh), Soul Food (imagine that! A television show all about Black people) and, of course, The L Word.

I received the following voicemail from a friend on Monday morning: "Hi, it's me. I saw the L Word for the first time last night. It was so fucking bad. It was like watching paint dry. And the chicks aren't even hot. Fuck that, dude." (UPDATE: They are all pretty much very hot, with the exception of Jenny).

All true. It's just not a good television show. And the opening titles of floating pink L-words (Life, Love, Laughter): not okay. Period. (UPDATE: The opening titles are now less bootleg but still awful).But two things keep my attention:

1. the HGOGA.
2. the fact that the show is a Who's Who of Lesbian Stereotypes.

We have:

Bette and Tina: The Wife Dykes. They are some housebroken bitches. These broads are the show's couple. Inseparable but unhappy. They are pregnant. And they shop at Lesbian Bed Death Bath and Beyond. Perhaps you've perused their merchandise before? UPDATE: They broke up. Bette was doing it with an absolutely foxy carpenter and Tina found out. Bette wants her back, Tina wants independence. Tina is, inexplicably, about 7 months pregnant but she hasn't told anyone. How no one has noticed is beyond me, and i think I'm representative of the viewing audience in general.

Shane: The Joan Jett Dyke. She's sometimes mistaken for a guy, but not in a threatening way. You know, in a cool, suave way. She is a little hoarse, always has her hair mussed like she just woke up from a Ketel One hangover and gets very squinty eyed very often. Last show we saw her snorting Oxycontin (um, this is L.A., not a West Virginia mining town). UPDATE: Her hair is shorter and she now wears glasses.

Alice: The Funky/Spunky Bi Dyke. You remember this actress's band the Murmurs from such musical fads as "riot grrl." Alice is the bi chick. She spends her time charting (on her iBook) who has slept with who (you know us dykes! we're all just so incestuous!). Her hair looks as though she got started with the MTV's House of Style Dreadlocks for White People manual but got bored halfway through. UPDATE: Alice is secretly in love with Dana. Who isn't? They've stolen illicit kisses in a few doorways and bathrooms around L.A.

Dana: The Jock-dyke. She plays tennis but must remain in the closest to keep her sponsorship! I guess golf was too obvious? She is currently in the beginnings of what promises to be a wonderfully codependent relationship. UPDATE: Wived to an intolerable psycho hose beast. The relationship should last about 1.5 more episodes, if that. Dana is secretly in love with Alice. Who isn't?

Kit: Played by Pam Grier. I guess she's straight. Whatever. UPDATE: The writers must've seen my blog and realized that us dykes want nothing to do with a straight storyline: Kit is now being wooed by Ivan, an annoyingly attentive and creepily chivalrous FTM played by Kelly Lynch. Ivan has a penchant for dressing rockabilly and breaking out into performance.

Marina: The Cafe Owning Dyke/the Tough Dyke. Looks and speaks like she just finished touring with a Ukranian gymnastics team. Which is somehow hot. UPDATE: Marina tried to off herself and may or not be on the show this season. The cafe she owns, the Planet, which is apparently the only coffee shop the dykes in Los Angeles frequent, is in the process of being sold to Kit.

Jenny: The Straight Dyke. She is engaged to a musclebound but sweet lunkhead, Tim who coaches a women's swimming team (awwww). She has been known to have VERY HGOGA with Marina.

She is a writer, a very bad writer, and the audience is often subjected to breathy voiceovers of her heavyhanded poetry. Her wig is laughable. Oh, and being the young woman exploring her sexuality for the first time, she is clearly from Iowa. Duh. UPDATE: Jenny may now be a full-on dyke. She is involved in a romance with a weathered lesbian who can only be described as haggard and used. Tim moved to Ohio. I am holding out hope that we will be spared any storyline revolving around her writing.

Fuck Tha Police - NWA

10 Songs to Woo Olivia Benson EDITED

10. Ordinary World - Duran Duran
9. Weak Become Heroes - The Streets
8. Heart Factory - Sleater-Kinney
7. Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Leppard
6. Do The Lovers Still Meet at the Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial? - the Van Pelt
5. Glass Vase Cello Case - Tattle Tale
4. Soma - Smashing Pumpkins
3. Wave of Mutilation (UK Surf) - the Pixies
2. Camouflage - C Rayz Walz Crimson and Clover - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
1. The Pain - Murs

Oh, the Irony

Tear down that BITCH of a bearing wall

Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo.

It's come to my attention that Faye Dunaway has a new reality show, Starlet, in which young actresses compete for something-- probably a contract, or role, or whatever it is people on reality shows compete for these days. Dude, maybe you've been sonned by Simon, but have you ever been mommie dearested?

Maya Keyes=Out Lesbian

I told you kids back in September, and it's been confirmed by an actual news source.

Told you so.

Thanks to my brother for the tip.

HOST CHRIS ROCK SHOCK: ONLY GAYS WATCH OSCARS

According to the Drudge Report:

Academy Members Alarmed Over Choice of Comic

Veteran members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences have grown concerned over the choice of Chris Rock as host of this month's awards show, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned. Concern deepened after Rock claimed only gays watch the Oscars! "I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show," Rock recently declared. "What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one!"...Academy members have privately called for Chris Rock to be removed as host, sources claim, fearing Rock may "tarnish" the reputation of the Academy.

the quarterwit graciously provides some examples of the Academy's "reputation:"

BEST PICTURE (1997): Titanic
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE (1998): Gwyneth Paltrow -- Shakespeare in Love ("Viola De Lesseps")
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE (1999):Angelina Jolie -- Girl, Interrupted ("Lisa Rowe")
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE (2000): Russell Crowe -- Gladiator ("Maximus Decimus Meridius"} (Yes, this was the year Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was released)

Most Appalling News Item of Late

DiCaprio Gets Lifetime Achievement Award

(if this were from Sassy Magazine, say, then okay).