Timeless Values: Boy Scouts Official Guilty in Porn Case

Story

Douglas Sovereign Smith Jr., 61, was accused of receiving images over the Internet of children engaging in sex acts. He pleaded guilty to a charge of possession and distribution of child pornography.

Smith, who worked for the Boy Scouts 39 years, was a national program director and led the Youth Protection Task Force that worked to shield youth from sexual abuse. But he did not work directly with children, Boy Scouts officials said.

(clearly my emphasis)

I don't want to get all self-righteous about historically anti-gay organizations and their hypocrises right now. So, draw your own conclusions.

Quiz: What Kind of Neurotic 20-Something Dyke Are You?

Do the tests in YM never really work for you? Shouldn't there be a choice: e) Because all the dykes I meet are bananas (or) f) I can't meet any cute dykes.

Exactly.

Witness, because this is your test, written by Sally and Sarah.

You are going out Friday night.

1. Where are you going?
a. the Hole
b. Cubbyhole
c. Henrietta Hudson's

2. What time did you walk in?
a. Whenever I got around to it.
b. 11 p.m.
c. I pre-gamed at the Ani show and stumbled in around 10 p.m.

3. You showed up with:
a. no one, my friends will show up later.
b. my best friend
c. 8 of my teammates from the lacrosse team. We're in the City for an Ani show.

4. You are wearing:
a. A pair of very low-riding Blue Cult Denim jeans, a shirt that reads "Don't Mess with Texas" (collar is cut out), black low-top Converse, a wide black leather bracelet.
b. Something low-key but fashionable, with some well-chosen accessories.
c. Men's cargo pants from Hollister, a sideways baseball cap from an NCAA team with a suggestive name (e.g. the Cocks), a Varsity lacrosse shirt from State U, the lanyard from your keys hanging out your front pocket, a puffy vest from L.L. Bean.

5. Your hair:
a. was cut for $100, styled with $35 product, mussed for one hour and looks like you just rolled out of bed.
b. is kinda short, but a little long, nothing too dykey, nothing too straight.
c. is all wrong

6. Your facial expression says:
a. "I'm very fuckable but don't bother me."
b. "Where are all the cute dykes?!"
c. "Marry me."

7. You are carrying:
a. your i.d. and some cash in your pocket.
b. a fashionable bag from Flight 001.
c. a Jansport backback that doesn't leave your shoulders.

8. Your cell phone is:
a. permanently attached to your ear.
b. tucked away discreetly in your bag.
c. attached to your belt.

9. You are drinking:
a. Maker's on the rocks
b. a vodka tonic
c. your 13th Bud Light

10. Who did you take home?
a. From which place?
b. No one, there are no cute dykes anywhere.
c. The girl of my dreams that I met at the jukebox. (She likes Maroon 5, too!)

SCORE YOURSELF

What did you choose?

Mostly A's: Shane Dyke. You have a new girl every week. The dirty hipster one from the Hole, the hot too-cool-for-school chick from Starlight, the one from Ronkonkoma from Henrietta's, the 45-year old golf enthusiast from Rubyfruit...
Mostly B's: ESD (Emotionally Stable Dyke*) You go with the flow, get to know someone slowly and if you click, great, if not, it's a done deal. Note: If you identify as a lesbian and claim to have picked mostly B's you're lying, to yourself, to all of us, especially to me.
Mostly C's: Uhaul dyke. Hi, I'm Sue. Hi, I'm Emily. What should we name our cats?

*A mythical creature

Preacher, Preacher, 5th Grade Teacher

It is because of you, my Christian brethren, that I do not have to work today. Granted, any of you who went to public school in any part if the country thick with Jews owe me for Yom Kippur, but still, I feel that I need to pay tribute.

This post is officially the quarterwit's Good Friday Tribute to Christianity.

Enjoy.

1. Crosses (or tselems as we call them in Yiddish) aren't just for church roofs anymore. They now come in chocolate. Leave those Cadbury eggs at home. There's a new confection in town. Don't just celebrate Easter. Celebrate Easter.

2. Whitney Houston is back in rehab, but using the "power of prayer" to get through her addiction. Hats off to you, Whitney. If prayer doesn't work, have a go at a 12-step program.

3. Filipinos mark Good Friday with nails, blood. (Beware: hectic photo within). Let's hear it for headlines that make other cultures look savage. But, really, though, they're driving nails through people's hands to prove a point and you all are trying to tell me Jesus died from that?

4. He kept his cool during the attack, deeming it inappropriate for the Easter Bunny to fight back. Easter Bunny is assaulted in Bay City, MI.

(p.s. Happy Purim to my Jews)

Literature Review

I wanted to post a link to David Denby's review of Melinda and Melinda that just appeared in the March 21 issue of the New Yorker, but the review isn't online, so either think really hard as you read, or get yourself a copy. It's not that serious, it's just that Denby points out that the movie takes place in Woody Allen's "fantasy version" of New York (where all of his movies take place)-- soho lofts and expansive upper east side apartments decorated just so, an "air of beauty and luxury" everywhere, with no inkling that his characters inhabit the dirty, loud, consumerist city the rest of us know. The writer infers that Allen has created a mythical New York, that exists only in his mind's eye and that of his art director. It's clear to me, however, that Woody Allen movies may create a fantasy New York, but it is one that a great many people live in. Denby says "How many times has he taken the A train?" This is typical of the New Yorker's writing. They are quick to point that white, "arrived" New Yorkers don't experience the same New York that the rest of us do, but fail to point out how they are any different. Seriously, David Denby, do you ride the A train? And, if you do, in what way is that the litmus test? We've all been to the Cloisters, after all.

Speaking of the New Yorker, Sasha Frere-Jones breaks down grime music as it is developing today. Frere-Jones explains that grime is in that "magic moment" when a "new sound sprouts on pop's tree....music begins to find an auidence, record companies offerto pay musicians to make their sounds, and someone gives those sounds a name." Good stuff. My favorite thing about reading Frere-Jones in the New Yorker is that he is obliged (obviously) to write to his magazine's demographic, making for a great many parenthetical explanations of what the hell he is talking about so my parents will understand: "grime producers (who make the beats that m.c.s rhyme over)" and so on.

Finally, in Slate, the brilliant Dahlia Lithwick helps us understand journalism's squeamishness over female opinion writers.

Sally is Getting Soft

Period.

A bit of the old ultraviolence coming soon. Promise.

War, war, war. This war talk's spoiling all the fun at every party this spring.

Rhett, don't. I shall faint.

An amazing Tuesday night is

- a dark room
- Gone With the Wind projected onto your wall, movie theatre-style
- a pair of speakers
- a hot broad
- a drink (preferably a mint julep but not necessary)
- a bed

RIP John DeLorean

Then tell me, "future boy", who is president in the United States in 1985?

John DeLorean died.

Everyone jokes him because he failed miserably and then tried to sell a boatload of cocaine to fix his mess, but the man made something that, when the doors were down, looked not substantially different than my brother's 1987 Chevette and managed to wow people for, like, a little while.

This Does Not Amuse Me, This Does Not Make Me Laugh

Nebraska??

Henry Hill was busted for trying to bring coke and meth into North Platte, Nebraska. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

The Pope

Pope Can Hold Conversations

Pledging Abstinence

God also wants him to be

four times more likely to have anal sex, and six times more likely to have oral sex than teens who have remained abstinent but not as part of a pledge.

The pledging group was also less likely to use condoms during their first sexual experience or get tested for STDs, the study found.

Study: Many who pledge abstinence substitute risky behavior

Two Insomnias

When I am with you, we stay up all night,
When you're not here, I can't get to sleep.
Praise God for these two insomnias!
And the difference between them.

-Rumi

The above organ has been poked and prodded recently leading to aforementioned insomnias (2 different kinds) and serious preoccupation with things not related to my blog. Hence, my unplanned hiatus. I am trying to get back on the wagon. Thanks to those who have encouraged me. You are like my AA sponsors, but for blogging.

Serval

Behold.

Best Solicitation Ever

From:	Identity removed
Date:	Mar 2, 2005 05:21 AM
Subject:	question
Body:	i know you are a lesbian...but any chance you would ever let a guy go down on you with nothing in return expected??

Tip: If you have to start a sentence with the phrase "I know you are a lesbian, but..." don't bother finishing the thought. Just don't do it to yourself.

(I won't tell you through which website I received this, but it's one of those friendster-esque ones).

Hopefully You Won't Have to Go Through That

This isn't what it looks like.

In the movie, Head in the Clouds, Charlize Theron and Penelope Cruz do not engage in any unChristian behavior with each other. They do not roll around on a bed for more than the amount of time it took for a camera shutter to open and close on the scene you see above. They do not engage in illicit, and therefore that much hotter, kissing, groping, fondling, sexing, etc. Other than one relatively steamy dance sequence, nothing remotely physical happens between them for the entirety of the movie. You've been warned.